My dad is my hero. He is the only man that treat me like a princess and endure with all my shitty attitude no matter how. Although sometimes he still scold us but we all know parents do this for our own good. We might be appreciative for what they've done for us but we don't usually say it out at least i don't. We seldom say "i love you" to our fathers although we mean it. Maybe asian are just that shy?
My dad passed away on 20th June 2015. I'm actually being told by doctor to get myself prepare to accept the reality. But it's hard right? How do one actually say goodbye? How do you say goodbye to your loved ones knowing that you wouldn't get to see them anymore? But I guess I'm considered lucky to have get to say goodbye because some doesn't even get the chance. I don't know how to feel at that moment. Should I let my dad go or should I drag him with me? He can still survive if he puts on the breathing mask but they said if i love him i shouldn't let him suffer. Is it true? I don't know.
My dad refused to wear breathing mask but we always put it on when he fall asleep because I just really don't want to lose him. I can't see him passed away knowing that he wouldn't appear in my life anymore. This is just so cruel, isn't it? But it's inevitable that everyone dies. It's only the matter of how and when. That's just life.
I will never forget the day when my dad hug each and everyone of my siblings and tell us what he wish to. Dad hugged me , he asked me to do well in my exam and be a good girl. I almost cry in front of everyone but i managed to hold my tear. Daddy knows me the best. I'm just a super lazy human on earth I know i need to work hard in order to get good grades but I'm just too lazy to study. Unlike others I don't start preparing for exams two or three weeks before I only start to study one or two days before exam and I'm still calm as hell. I always burn the midnight oil one or two days before but most of the time I ended up sleeping. Even when I'm in form four I'm still like that. Can you see how much my dad worry about me? I can't help but to feel super terrible. I must be a very troublesome daughter to handle. I let my dad worried so much even when he's sick.
So on the 20th June, my eldest sister who came back from taiwan is going back to continue her finals. Yes she came back halfway through her finals and she's unable to retake all the papers that she missed. Although she doesn't really wants to go back but my dad nonstop persuade her to go back. He said studies is very important. But daddy do you know nothing is more important than you? What saddens me the most is that my dad actually passed away after my sister boarded. I think he must have feel so released to know sister went back to continue her studies and now he's able to go without any regrets.
After all, I tried to get myself used to the life without dad but that's just hard. I can still see my dad's shadow in the house. Everywhere i go i can always think about him. Some nights when I felt incredible depressed, I cried wishing my dad was here with me. I did not say "I love you" to my dad yet, I did not take tons of picture with him yet, I did not get flying colours result so that he could be proud of me, I did not prepare well enough to lose him yet, I just don't... "We do not learn to appreciate until we lose it" This famous quote is just so true. So don't be afraid to tell your loved ones how much do you love them, how appreciative you are to have know them in life. Live every single day like it's your last day so that you don't regret later.
